A Christmas Gift

This post is long overdue and I apologize.  The last couple of weeks have been extremely busy... keeping up with the hustle and bustle of the Holidays, going to doctors appointments and trying to keep some normalcy in our lives.  

I met with my radiation oncologist right before Thanksgiving and did all the prep work to begin radiation. Then I got a call from them about the possibility of doing a clinical trial- partial breast radiation vs. full breast radiation.  I won't bore you with all the details except this is a common practice with women over 40 and they have found it to be just as successful as the whole radiation.  Whole breast radiation is 30 sessions usually with 5-8 additional power boost sessions.  The partial breast is done twice daily for 5 days.  In women under 40, there isn't enough evidence at this point to know for sure if partial works as well as whole.  The trial that I was interested in is a Phase 3 trial and I felt very comfortable applying for it.  So after weeks of filling out paperwork, I was finally accepted into the trial and randomized into the partial breast radiation.  I went in for more set up (including tattoos) and finally on Monday, December 19 at 6:30am I was able to start my treatments.  Over the past week I went twice a day (6 hours apart) at 6:30 and 1:30pm.  Of course mother nature played a significant role this week with a snow storm on Tuesday morning and then another big one on Thursday.  Needless to say, I woke up really, really early to get there and was praying that the radiation tech would be there too... and she was!  

There are three different methods of partial breast radiation and I did the more traditional one call 3d conformal external beam radiation.  This radiated the tumor bed area and some surrounding tissue rather than the entire breast.  I was amped up with about 3850 cGY over the past week.  I have been tired, not sure if that is from the treatments, getting up at the crack of dawn or stress relating to getting up so early and the snow.  It could also be a combination of all of the above.  I am a bit sore and swollen with what looks like a sunburn, thank goodness there are no blisters!  Yesterday after my final treatment, I was discharged from radiation treatments!  I have to go back in a couple of weeks to get checked out and and then again later in January.  With my participation in the trial, I feel the doctors will be watching me even more closely than if I had done the regular whole breast radiation.

So what's next??  In two weeks I get to start my anti-estrogen drug, Tamoxifen.  This will be a part of my daily life for the next 5 years, awesome!  There are some potential side effects but the benefit of the drug to stop producing estrogen to keep any cancer cells from growing should outweigh the side effects.   I also have to see the surgeon again and then in early February see the oncologist who will schedule my next follow-up, mammogram or MRI every 3 months.

I have been the brunt of some jokes this week by my sister...I am so not offended, in fact the laughter is what keeps us going...

• The three wise men don't need to follow the star in the east, just follow the glowing from her boob
• Santa doesn't need Rudolph this year
• And finally, our row at church tonight won't need candles during Silent Night

Again, I want to thank everyone for all their prayers and support over the past 90 days.  It hasn't been fun but each and everyone of you have helped me through it.  The journey isn't over but it is quite shorter now.  I can't thank you enough for everything, the calls, the texts, the meals, the emails, the hugs, everything...I am truly grateful for all of you (as is Rob and Madison).

Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you.

Love,

Stephanie

Thanksgiving 2011

23 years ago on Thanksgiving Day, November 24 my dad died from cancer.  Not a day goes by where I don't think about him.  And obviously not a Thanksgiving day goes by where I don't remember the happenings of Thanksgiving day, 1988.  I know my dad is up there watching down on me and my family.  Death has a tendency to tear people apart or bring them closer together- thank goodness it brought my family closer together.  My mom, my sister, my brother and I have an amazing relationship.  We have been through the hard times and yes there are more hard times, but together we have stayed strong and faithful.  

A lot of the emotions I have felt lately are reminiscent of what I felt after my dad died- pissed, angry, why me, it's not fair, etc... the list could go on forever.  I still feel those emotions from my dad's death but they have lessened over the years.  I know the same holds true for my current situation- they don't go away but they definitely will get easier.

Now I need to wipe my tears and rejoice for what I have in my life!  Thanks for my family- Rob, Madison and my chocolate girls; my mom, my sister and her family, my brother and his family, Vance, my aunts, uncles, cousins around the country and in Canada too!  I love each and everyone of you.

And then to my friends... I am blessed to have each and everyone of you in my life.  You are all too numerous to mention but know that I appreciate you and your friendship and everything you have done for me over the past 60 days.  You truly are awesome!

And I am thankful for my health...things could be a lot worse for me than they are.  Yes, it still isn't easy but it could be worse.  I also need to be thankful for all the doctors, nurses and medical procedures that I have been through lately.   Their jobs are hard and I admire them for what they do.

I feel like I could go on forever today but then I'd miss the turkey, mashed potatoes and of course, the wine!  Count your blessings this holiday season.  Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Love, 

Stephanie

Doctor's Report

So I have been a bit delinquent in updating the blog but now I have this post and I just posted  Hawaii pictures too.

So Monday's doctor appointment went well.  My MammaPrint test came back as low risk which is awesome.  This means no chemo!  So what's next...I was suppose to meet with radiation oncologist on Wednesday but that appointment got pushed back to next Monday.  I need to have 2 appointments with them before I can start treatments and they also have to make sure I am all healed from my surgery.  I hope to start the week after Thanksgiving.  It will be 5 weeks of radiation, going every day and then 8 additional sessions of targeted radiation to the tumor site.  It is a lot but generally last only 10-15 minutes and while a pain, it does help reduce the risk of recurrence.   Finally after radiation is complete, I will go on Tamoxifen, an anti-estrogen drug.  Since my tumor was estrogen + this will help block estrogen that I am producing and again reduce the risk of recurrence.  So all in all, I am calling this the best case scenario of a bad thing.  Things could be way worse than they are now and I am thankful it's only what it is!  It still sucks having to have gone through what I already have gone through and what left to come.  Oh well, as one 3rd wrote me, God gives you what you can handle.

I was truly blessed Wednesday morning upon my arrival at Madison's school.  The 3rd graders and their parents wrote me individual notes of encouragement and prayer requests.  I was emotionally overwhelmed and started bawling after reading them. These 3rd graders and parents are truly amazing!  I have an wonderful group of people praying for me and my family!

Madison has also been convalescing this week.  On Tuesday, she had 2 baby teeth pulled.  Like her mother, she was making herself upset before her appointment.  Once we got there though she was a trooper and the teeth came out.  Afterwards, I was willing to take her to get an ice cream shake, frozen yogurt, etc and she didn't want anything.  I finally convinced her to go and get a Coke at McDonald's.  We stayed there for about 10 minutes as she wanted to get back to school.  I dropped her at school and about an hour later got a phone call from her wanting to come home.  Poor thing, she relaxed on the couch and enjoyed some mashed potatoes.  On Wednesday morning, she got up like she normally does and was ready to go!  I went to chapel with her this morning and then came home and went out to lunch with my mom and Frannie.  I got a phone call while at lunch that Madison was running a fever.  So off to school I went to pick her up.  I am hoping it is all related to having her teeth pulled and she will be good to go to school on Thursday.  And if it is a cold, I guess I am glad that she got one before Thanksgiving!

Blessings,

Stephanie

Hawaii Pictures

Here are some highlights from our trip last week.  I guess I don't take as many pictures if Madison isn't along with us!

Sunrise at Haleakala... it was a bust, the clouds covered most of the view.

Lucy and Linus... our horses on our Haleakala volcano ride 

View from the Haleakala crater.

Foster drinking a Foster's...isn't this what vacation is all about?

Mrs. Foster drinking a sip of Foster's

Our snorkeling adventures

The turtles were the highlight of the trip...amazing.

Sunset on our first night in Oahu at Disney's Aulani Resort

Mickey anniversary cake!

View from our balcony in the morning.

Looking out onto one of the private lagoons in Ko Olina

Hanging Loose with Mickey Mouse

Christmas card picture taken at the luau

We tried super hard to get this picture, it almost turned out.  We need to work on our night time photography!

One of the amazing sunsets we saw.

Disney's version of the luau- Starlight Hui (this was the end of the show, they actually did have some hula dancers)

Almost home!

I am sitting here by the pool reflecting on what has been a fabulous trip. We have definitely used our trip to our advantage. Lots of lazy days at the pool and beach. A really long drive yesterday around the island of Oahu looking for turtles. Didn't find the turtles but ate at one of the famous shrimp trucks as recommend by Christine and Kristen! That was well worth the drive. We also stopped for shaved ice at the north shore. Weather has been pretty good with the exception of the wind, it feels just like Highlands Ranch with all the wind!
Things are definitely busy here in Ko Olina. Honolulu is hosting APEC and lots of foreign dignitaries here messing up the traffic. Thankfully we leave Ko Olina before Obama gets here and creates a traffic nightmare!
Looking forward to getting home and seeing our girl. We have missed her tremendously and will bring her next time! Also missing our 4 legged ladies too.
I am a bit apprehensive about coming home as I have an appointment with the oncologist on Monday afternoon. I will find out what my treatment plan is and frankly I am scared. I have tried not to stress and know it is out of my control but it doesn't make it any easier. Ahhh, I am going to try and enjoy our remaining 36 hours here.

Steph

Maui

I obviously had some technical difficulties as I had written a post while in the SFO airport and now it isn't here! Not too much to say this morning other than Maui is beautiful and we are both relaxed! More later!

Out of Surgery

Today is Stephanie and my 15th wedding anniversary and she just game me the best gift ever! She just finished surgery and things went well. All the tests in the OR indicate they got everything and no lymphnode involvement. There will be more results from the detailed pathology tests, but those take a few days.

I should get to see her in about an hour. I'll get more information out later.

This step in the journey can get behind us. There is more to come, but today is a day to celebrate for a whole bunch of reasons.

Thank you to everyone for your love, support, and prayers!

Hawaii here we come!!!

I have been wrestling this week with some deep inner demons – fear and rage. I didn’t even really realize how to articulate those feelings until I was at the gym this morning. On my way out the door of the gym (and completely out of nowhere), a friend I had not personally seen in a while brought me back to reality with a simple offer of support – he specifically offered to help with Sundae and Maple.

I really want to personally say THANKS for the overwhelming outpouring of support offered by everyone (even people I don’t know). You are all amazing people. As a family, we are so blessed to have you in our lives. Somehow words just don’t seem to be enough . . . more on that in a minute.

As for the inner demons, fear might always be there in one form or another. But, as I have been observing over the past few weeks, the sun amazingly comes up every morning, the dogs unabashedly wag their tails at every opportunity, the CSU Rams . . . (well maybe I shouldn’t mention them after last weekend’s massacre), but College Gameday comes on every Saturday in the fall, etc.

As for rage – it’s just a phase. We begin taking more control of the fight this coming week now that Stephanie's surgery is scheduled. The next steps on this path will be illuminated soon. At a dinner last Friday evening a friend offered a toast early on – “To kicking cancer’s ASS!!!” Amen sister.

That reminds me, when all is said on done, there will be one helluva party, and you’re all invited. We are going to change that toast to the past tense. I truly pray that one day, there is a huge party where that declaration is not just for Stephanie.

Again, thank you for everything.

A Surgery Date! Yippee!!!

Thank the Lord!  A surgery date has been scheduled for next Wednesday, October 26.  That day also happens to be our 15th wedding anniversary.  I don't think we will be forgetting that date anytime soon!  Anyways from what the doctor said this surgery is less invasive than the biopsy was.  It is done as an outpatient surgery and I will probably be there for most of the day!

Please continue with your prayers!  And also, I am way behind on responding to emails.  Don't be upset if I haven't responded, I love reading your messages and they really do make my day!

I do have one other prayer request for a close family friend.  Like myself, he is young and was just diagnosed with throat and neck cancer.  He is undergoing a first surgery today.  Please keep Ty and his family in your prayers over the next few weeks.  

Thanks to everyone and remember He does work in miraculous ways!

Stephanie

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

This weekend while up in Fort Collins, I saw a t-shirt from the past.  It said, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It was referring to CSU as “the good” and 2 unnamed schools as the “bad” and “ugly”.  It was fun to see this reminder of my days at CSU.  And then the more I thought about it, I thought that would be a great title for how I have been feeling this week.

First, the GOOD...I cannot believe the outpouring of love and attention that we have received the past week from my family and friends.  All the emails and phone calls have been wonderful.  Each one means so much to me.  All the responses and prayers generated from our blog, it is amazing.  The cards, snacks, hugs, calls, emails, text messages, I love it all.  I can’t tell you how much you all mean to me.  Just when I am starting to get down, someone surprises me!  Thank you so much.  And then my soccer girls, how cute are they when they put a pink ribbon with a soccer bow on their uniforms?  And my assistant coach showing his support by wearing a pink ribbon hat!  I am truly amazed and grateful for all of you.  Thank you for the love.

The week was filled with doctor’s appointments.  I think we have met with everyone we need to at this point and now its time for surgery.  Good news in cancer is kind of an oxymoron but I do have some good news… First, testing negative for the Breast Cancer Gene Mutation.  This is huge.  This means I don’t have the breast cancer gene- this is wonderful news for my daughter, my sister, mom, aunt and cousins.   It also means its probably just a freak thing that I got this breast cancer.  

Second, the pathology tests have come back good, again good for cancer.  They are ER+PR+ and Her2/neu- .  Now what does all this mean…I am still trying to figure it out.  Actually the ER+PR+, means that the tumor is being fueled by estrogen and progesterone.  This almost definitely means after surgery and treatments that I will be put on an anti-estrogen blocker for the next 5 years, probably sending me into early menopause.  Lovely!  Her2/neu is a protein that appears on the surface of some breast cancer cells. This protein is an important part of the pathway for cell growth and survival.  A Her2neu- result is a breast cancer with little or no Her2/neu proteins.  Again good news as it is easier to treat.

Now the BAD…I guess this is all about how things are out of my control and my having no patience.  We made a decision earlier this week on how to proceed.  I called to schedule surgery and the surgeon is out of town until Wednesday the 19th.  Well, Rob and I have a 15th anniversary trip planned to Hawaii on Nov. 3 and we kind of wanted surgery done before we left.  So the doctor didn’t leave my orders and the scheduler wouldn’t schedule until the doctor gets back in the office.  Totally out of my control and not happy about it.  We were so relieved to have made a decision and then to be told that we had to wait to schedule and that we probably aren’t going to get in before Hawaii.  I need at least 7-10 days to heal after the surgery so it’s looking slim.  However, I still have hope and faith and know lots of you are praying for me and maybe surgery will get scheduled for the end of the week.  Slim chances but have to think positive and just deal with it if it doesn’t work out.  Part of me just really wants this cancer out of me, NOW and then part of me thinks about the thoughts others have said about it being ok to go to Hawaii and trying not to worry about it until you get back and then have it taken out.  We will see this week.

Another bad part of all this is having decisions made for us.  I’m not ready to talk about this yet but it stinks when someone else tells you something that you don’t want to hear or wasn’t part of your plan in life.  Rob and I are still digesting this.

And now the UGLY...Aside from the slaughter on the CSU football field on Saturday and another one from our friends at CU, cancer is just plain ol’ UGLY.  The doctor told us that women in their 40’s, 1 in 100 will get breast cancer and I'm not even 40!!!  At the CSU football game on Saturday, it was a “white out” for cancer.  As people arrived to the stadium they were given t-shirts and signs to write in those they know who have been affected by cancer.  It was astounding to see over 30,000 white shirts and signs held up.   

For the next week ahead, prayers for patience please.  The surgeon gets back in the office on Wednesday morning.  I don’t want to be the first one to call in and annoy the scheduler but I want to get on that schedule ASAP. 

Steph

Life's Journey... a Bump in the Road

On September 30, 2011 our lives changed; we found out that I (Stephanie) has breast cancer.  In a routine ob/gyn appointment, my doctor found a lump, which she thought, was just a fibrous cyst.  To be safe, she sent me for a mammogram.  I was able to get in the next day.  Thankfully this wasn’t my first mammogram as I had one in March 2010 as a baseline.  After the mammogram they said they needed more information and I immediately had an ultrasound.  The ultrasound technician was checking my chest and then moved to my armpit.  At that point, I was getting nervous and scared, as I knew exactly what they were looking for.  The radiologist then told me they found another spot and just to be safe they wanted to do a biopsy.  In the preliminary check of lymph nodes, they appeared clean.

The following Thursday, I went in for a biopsy.  This was an impatient surgery and was done fairly quickly.  They biopsied both spots and removed most of the spots.  At this time, they still weren’t convinced that it was anything other than fibrous tissues/cysts.  So I went home with my boobs bound as a big uni-boob.  It was totally uncomfortable and it hurt, especially to sleep. 

The next morning I received a phone call and the minute I heard the radiologists voice, I knew what that meant.  One lump was just fibrous tissues, but the second was a mucinous carcinoma.  My neighbor was here when I got the news.  While I started asking questions, she started to Google.  This is suppose to be a less aggressive form of cancer.  Usually it is found in older, post menopausal women.  After getting off the phone with the doctor, it took a bit of time to sink in.  Rob got home shortly afterwards and I gave him the low down.  His first question was, “what’s the mortality rate”?  I think I heard him but wasn’t sure that is what he had said!  For those of you who know Rob, it’s totally his lawyerly way to say things.

We then left the house and went to tell my mom.  After breaking the news, I needed a margarita so we went to the Rio.  I love the Rio, in good times and bad times, the Rio is a great place to go!  After consuming several margaritas and eating some chips and salsa, it was time to pick Madison up from school (Rob was driving).  We told Madison that evening giving her information but not more than needed.  She followed up that evening by asking some really hard questions, you don’t want your 8 year old child asking you.

On Monday, Oct. 3, I went in for an MRI.  The MRI came back with no new cancer detected and still no apparent lymph node involvement.  On Friday, we met with a surgeon and an oncologist.  Surgery is in my future.  After some more tests, we’ll decide what kind.  Follow-up treatment also depends on what type of surgery, what they do or don’t find in the lymph nodes and also the oncotype dx score of the tumor itself.

So far, the tests are coming back good, as good as they can be for cancer.  This upcoming week we have several appointments with hopes of obtaining additional information.  We are gathering all the information necessary to make the right decision for us.  Keep in mind, this comes from Rob and Stephanie, the one’s who interviewed a veterinarian before we brought Sundae home almost 13 years ago.  Rob and I are both feeling very positive and feel that we are in good hands with the doctors we have seen.  Obviously there is still some unknown but we keep getting more information and should be close to a decision as to how to get this crap out of me.  I want it out.

Thank the Lord we have our faith.  I know God tests us and only gives us what we can handle.  Of course I am asking Him, why, why, why He thinks we can handle so much.  Dealing with cancer once in my life is certainly enough not to mention a second time- most 15 year old kids don’t have see their dad die of cancer.  It sucks!! And of course with this month being breast cancer awareness, it is everywhere!  Along with the “why” is my being mad.  I am so mad, I could just spit or throw the iPad, which I almost did the other day because it wasn’t working.  I know this is just a bump in the road but it still doesn’t make it any easier.  Again thank the Lord for my faith.  Really, I know I couldn’t handle this without it.  Also, thank the Lord for my family… my wonderful, awesome husband, my beautiful child and my 2 brown dogs; my mom, my sister and her family, my brother and his family, my aunts, uncles, cousins and other relatives.  And finally, our friends.  I am utterly overwhelmed by the love and grace of all our friends.  We will not be able to make it through this journey without those 3 things: faith, family and friends.

So what’s next… more doctors appointments, more test results.  This week we have 4 appointments scheduled.  We then need to decide what we want to do. 

What can you do?  First, we ask everyone for prayers, not just for me, but for Rob, Madison and the rest of my family.  Plus I ask you to pray for others who have been affected by this disease.  Second, take care of yourself.  Friends, I know most of you are over 35, go to the doctor and get a mammogram.   After you turn 40 you get one every year but some doctors want to get a baseline beforehand.  In most cases, insurance will pay for it.  Early detection is best.

We are going to try using this blog as an efficient means of communication. While I love talking on the phone, I know it isn’t practical to answer or return all calls.  The same probably goes for emails.  Most of you know that my iPhone travels with me and I have access most of the time.  I love getting emails and will honestly do my best to answer them.  However, please don’t be offended if we don’t respond directly.  We will do our best to update this blog as we get more information and make decisions. 

We cannot thank you enough for all your love and support thus far.  I am a lucky gal!  We are a lucky family.  We love each and every one of you and we will get through this.

In His name,

Stephanie

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3rd grade school picture