The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

This weekend while up in Fort Collins, I saw a t-shirt from the past.  It said, the good, the bad and the ugly.  It was referring to CSU as “the good” and 2 unnamed schools as the “bad” and “ugly”.  It was fun to see this reminder of my days at CSU.  And then the more I thought about it, I thought that would be a great title for how I have been feeling this week.

First, the GOOD...I cannot believe the outpouring of love and attention that we have received the past week from my family and friends.  All the emails and phone calls have been wonderful.  Each one means so much to me.  All the responses and prayers generated from our blog, it is amazing.  The cards, snacks, hugs, calls, emails, text messages, I love it all.  I can’t tell you how much you all mean to me.  Just when I am starting to get down, someone surprises me!  Thank you so much.  And then my soccer girls, how cute are they when they put a pink ribbon with a soccer bow on their uniforms?  And my assistant coach showing his support by wearing a pink ribbon hat!  I am truly amazed and grateful for all of you.  Thank you for the love.

The week was filled with doctor’s appointments.  I think we have met with everyone we need to at this point and now its time for surgery.  Good news in cancer is kind of an oxymoron but I do have some good news… First, testing negative for the Breast Cancer Gene Mutation.  This is huge.  This means I don’t have the breast cancer gene- this is wonderful news for my daughter, my sister, mom, aunt and cousins.   It also means its probably just a freak thing that I got this breast cancer.  

Second, the pathology tests have come back good, again good for cancer.  They are ER+PR+ and Her2/neu- .  Now what does all this mean…I am still trying to figure it out.  Actually the ER+PR+, means that the tumor is being fueled by estrogen and progesterone.  This almost definitely means after surgery and treatments that I will be put on an anti-estrogen blocker for the next 5 years, probably sending me into early menopause.  Lovely!  Her2/neu is a protein that appears on the surface of some breast cancer cells. This protein is an important part of the pathway for cell growth and survival.  A Her2neu- result is a breast cancer with little or no Her2/neu proteins.  Again good news as it is easier to treat.

Now the BAD…I guess this is all about how things are out of my control and my having no patience.  We made a decision earlier this week on how to proceed.  I called to schedule surgery and the surgeon is out of town until Wednesday the 19th.  Well, Rob and I have a 15th anniversary trip planned to Hawaii on Nov. 3 and we kind of wanted surgery done before we left.  So the doctor didn’t leave my orders and the scheduler wouldn’t schedule until the doctor gets back in the office.  Totally out of my control and not happy about it.  We were so relieved to have made a decision and then to be told that we had to wait to schedule and that we probably aren’t going to get in before Hawaii.  I need at least 7-10 days to heal after the surgery so it’s looking slim.  However, I still have hope and faith and know lots of you are praying for me and maybe surgery will get scheduled for the end of the week.  Slim chances but have to think positive and just deal with it if it doesn’t work out.  Part of me just really wants this cancer out of me, NOW and then part of me thinks about the thoughts others have said about it being ok to go to Hawaii and trying not to worry about it until you get back and then have it taken out.  We will see this week.

Another bad part of all this is having decisions made for us.  I’m not ready to talk about this yet but it stinks when someone else tells you something that you don’t want to hear or wasn’t part of your plan in life.  Rob and I are still digesting this.

And now the UGLY...Aside from the slaughter on the CSU football field on Saturday and another one from our friends at CU, cancer is just plain ol’ UGLY.  The doctor told us that women in their 40’s, 1 in 100 will get breast cancer and I'm not even 40!!!  At the CSU football game on Saturday, it was a “white out” for cancer.  As people arrived to the stadium they were given t-shirts and signs to write in those they know who have been affected by cancer.  It was astounding to see over 30,000 white shirts and signs held up.   

For the next week ahead, prayers for patience please.  The surgeon gets back in the office on Wednesday morning.  I don’t want to be the first one to call in and annoy the scheduler but I want to get on that schedule ASAP. 

Steph